Chapter 11

2020 COVID-19 – April 12

Step 1: wake up, make sure we are all still alive.

Step 2: Check to see that pandemic is still happening and it wasn’t just a bad dream

Step 3: double check Step 2 (exhale expletives in whispered voice. E.g. Shhhhhhiit or Fuuuuuuuccccck)

Step 4: Wash hands (while still in bed if possible, just to be safe)

Step 5: get up, bathroom, brush teeth, wash face (optional, I mean who is really keeping track)
Apply some sort of hair clip, bobby pin tangle or hair tie to keep hair out of face as it has now grown too wild to stop.

Step 6: EITHER stay in pyjamas OR change into sweatpants – if feeling fancy

Step 7: Wash hands

Step 8: Entertain kids – quality and learning value of play is irrelevant.

Step 4,358: Wash hands (even though you haven’t left the house since last month)

Step 9: Make breakfast (be thankful we have food)

Step 10: Plan to have never before seen levels of productivity, drawing, writing and creative work. Chuckle because it’s become impossible to focus on anything for more than a pandemic-second recently.

Step 11: Wash hands with tears

Step 12 – eternity:
Parent like your life depends on it
Tell 4 yr old to put her brother down
Tell 4 yr old not to put her brother down so hard
Stop baby from putting everything in his mouth at each waking moment of each millisecond.
Tell 4 yr old that her brother can’t be shaken (only stirred)
Pick baby up because: crying, hunger, injury, indignation, fear, hope, a river runs through it.
Remind self that children are a joy and a blessing
Parent like your life depends on it

Step 67,35811: Make lunch, snack, dinner….what meal is this anyway? Just keep eating. (be thankful we have food)

Step, step, shuffle: Shower – extra focus on washing hands, moisturizer because hands look like tree bark, pandemic continues, bedtime.

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Step 1: Wake up, make sure we are all still alive…..