Chapter 4
2020 COVID-19 – March 20
Listen. It’s going to be ok. We are going to get to the other side. Perhaps we will learn about all the things we didn’t need to spend our time on anymore. Perhaps we will focus on what we don’t want to live without. Perhaps life will be both different and better, because of and in spite of all this.
It’s going to be ok.
Until we clear this seemingly insurmountable hurdle. I plan to make light of it as long as I can. Because the absence of fun is a life not lived. And this crisis is no match for the enormous resilience of our human nature.
Here is by no means an exhaustive list of the things the novel coronavirus is also capable of doing.
Besides, of course taking lives, unnerving society and being a complete and utter asshole. These are all obviously science based and proven so no need to fact check, because I am a Fact Professional. A Frofessor, like everyone else on the internet these days.
Coronavirus recently found the plug and drained all the oceans, so now they are empty.
Coronavirus came to your party and mixed the sour Skittles up with the Peanut M&M’s
Coronavirus put a single strand of hair in your toothbrush.
Coronavirus darkened the edges of the foreseeable future. (Ohhh that one took a turn)
Coronavirus hates puppies and upper respiratory health
Coronavirus clips toe nails on public transit
Coronavirus is an unreliable friend
Coronavirus has a middle name, and it is “moist muffins” Corona Moist Muffins Virus (the 19th)
Coronavirus invented tooth decay in the early 70’s
Coronavirus upset everyones apple cart
Coronavirus will try to sell you a hardcover set of encyclopaedias.
Keep going. It’s going to be ok.
I love you all. But not you, Corona.
Rating: As far as world ending pandemic scale viruses go we had hoped for something a bit more fashionable, sassy and stylish in its approach. Something that would look good in denim. But all this awful coughing and fear is unappealing in every way.
-982/10 corona is lame, dangerous and probably wears too much strongly scented cologne when invited to dinner parties. Corona, we hate you. Sincerely all humans.